Yesterday we went to the orphanage around 9:30am. It was a sunny (but cold) day. You must know that the last time we saw the sun was when we were dropped off at the airport in Salt Lake City last Saturday. When we arrived in Belgrade on Sunday it was overcast and drizzly. Monday, Tuesday and part of Wednesday were rainy, rainy, and rainy; with a 100% chance of gray skies, wind and cold. Anyway, we decided to see if Hannah would like being outdoors so we all went outside. She was willing to let us come, but she wouldn't let go of J's hand and didn't want us to get close. She started acting a little tired so we went back inside. She apparently didn't like that, and after we went inside she was still upset. We tried a number of different things but she was just not interested. We decided to come back in the afternoon.
We went back to our apartment and all 3 of us fell asleep for almost 2 hours. Besides being physically tired, we were mentally and emotionally drained, as well. The sleep felt good, but we probably could have slept for another couple of hours.
As we returned to the orphanage around 3:00pm, John and I discussed our concerns. We knew she wouldn't take to us instantly but she doesn't seem to like us at all. To say we were discouraged would be an understatement. When we arrived, Hannah seemed to be in a better mood. We tried some different approaches, one of which included Hannah interacting with just me, and John and Alexander are present but not directly interacting with her. Little by little, I was able to gain her trust and little by little we got closer and closer. We played with her purse, her lip gloss, her glasses, Winnie the Pooh, and then we searched through my purse to find hidden treasures. We found paper and pen, hand sanitizer, lotion, a translation book (which I turned into the story of "Princess Hannah"), my insulin pump computer (which she thought was a cell phone), and the best treasure of all - my camera. I turned the camera on for her and it lit up and made pretty sounds. She liked pressing all the buttons and when she found the photo button the flash went off and I made a funny face when it did. That was a huge turning point. Hannah kept pushing the button and I would make my face and she would laugh. We did this for a few minutes and then she gave a heavy sigh as if she were tired. I was tired, too. During our interaction she had been sitting next to me on the couch. At this point, I reached over and picked her up and sat her on my lap. She did not protest. I leaned back on the couch and she laid her head on my chest. I held her and rocked back and forth. I started singing "I Am a Child of God" and she didn't move a muscle. When I was finished, she lifted her head and looked at me as if to say, "Why did you stop singing?". I started singing another song and she laid her head back down again. I sang and talked to her while she rested against me. It was a magical moment for me. It was dinner time, though, and we knew she needed to eat and we needed to go home. As I took her down the hallway towards her room and her caregivers, she started whimpering and clung to me. Yay! She wanted me! They brought her dinner out for her and that distracted her. I tried to feed her, but she didn't want me to.
It seems to be that she is overwhelmed by the three of us. We're going to try to see if she will bond with me first and then Alexander and John. As I was spending all my time with Hannah, John was spending all his time talking with J and the psychologist about the best methods of approach to use. We left more hopeful that we came, but I think Alexander is confused by why she doesn't want to play with him yet. As a mother, it's a very difficult thing to see. John and I have tried to help him understand and he is so good and so willing to trust us. He wants more than anything to have Hannah love him like he loves her. We all want her to love us as much as we love her. We're praying for another miracle.
Ok, SOBBING as I read about her laying her head on your chest. Her world has been SO limited in exposure to people. Very few people come through that doorway, and other than J. they certainly don't sit down and PLAY with her. Even J. who adores every child in that building, only has minutes. Keep doing what you're doing. Taking that step back was, I think, absolutely the right thing to do, and God confirmed that for you when Hannah relaxed into you. "Slow and steady wins the race." I'll be praying for you today. Especially for Alexander, who will have trouble processing this. We're debating weather or not to bring my daughter Angela along on the trip (she's 14 and has Down syndrome.) I'm so torn...just don't know what to do with that decision.
ReplyDeleteWendy you guys are so brave and I am so proud of your family! You guys are inspirational. I remember when I first met my dad, just like all relationships, the trust took time. God will bless you guys with what you need!
ReplyDeleteI have been hesitant to comment on your adventure so far because that is just me but I really wanted to comment on the passage "the countdown's on" because I felt the same way about you after reading that as a time when I first started going to church and we had a conversation about praying.You told me that you felt like you had a relationship with Heavenly Father like you would a real father and you could imagine him sitting at the end of your bed and listening to you just as a father would. I have thought about that conversation many times over the years and it has got me through some really tough times and helped me so much in my relationship with God.
ReplyDeleteI am completely amazed at the strength you have and how Your testimony feeds that strength through every word you write or say. This journey you are on is amazing to me. I stand back as a mother of a blended family and know that your fears will be put to rest but I also know that you feel even more discouraged as the journey goes on. I wouldn't trade all the heart break or discouraging feelings I have had over the years because the payoff is so much greater than I ever imagined it could be. I am praying for you to feel the peace that everything will work out fine!
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with all of us and know that your words and your experiences help me with my struggling testimony more than you could ever imagine!
You guys are an amazing family Wendy. Hang in there. Hopefully the next step will be her refusing to let you go! Thanks for the updates, we'll be praying for you guys.
ReplyDeleteI know this sounds crazy but this is GOOD SIGN. The kids that have serious issues once home are the ones that run right up to you and are eager for attention, that is very bad becase they have no discression-this is a huge red flag for attachment issues post honeymoon period. I know it sort of breaks your heart but this is truly what you WANT when you first meet a child in an orphanage. It shows they do not have attachment issues, they only trust people they know and they are attached to someone and will eventualy attach to you. You guys are doing perfect and the fog of jet lag will lift a little over the next few days and you will all start to bond. You are doing it perfectly and so is she, time is all you need. Keep talking, keep loving, keep playing. FYI the zoo is really awesome for boys, take him there this weekend and enjoy how scary close you can get to the lions, bears and wolves! Refresh, regroup and keep going. She will be mommies princess in no time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting us follow along with you. Good advice has already been stated. I would say that each of the children react differently to the new attention (attention that they have never experienced before)your little girl shy and timid.......ours ripping my hair out/breaking my watch/wetting on my skirt, etc. They are not trying to be difficult or bad; they just don't know how to act. All will be just fine for you all. You will see her bond with you throughout the days to come. She just needs time. Keep gradually making progress, and try to just find the positive and roll with whatever comes. Go with the flow.... It is all part of Hannah's story of coming home. Try to enjoy your time there as much as possible and take lots of pictures of everything. Hannah will enjoy looking at the book and hearing all the stories later on. Your family is doing a great job, and all will work out just fine.
ReplyDeleteblessings,
Vickie
Wendi,
ReplyDeleteI just got caught up and I'm sitting here in tears. I feel like we were just there loving on Hannah for you (well, trying to hug her-she was pretty skeptical about us). I have prayed for this time in between to be peaceful for all of you and I've prayed for your time in Serbia. Trust me. Everything is going just wonderfully.
Seth had a really hard time understanding all that was happening with Sofi while we were there. Here we are, less than six months later, and he's just her big brother. She looks for him all the time and she's always asking him to come play with her. I think the hardest part of the adoption journey is trying to bond with your new child and not feel like that bonding is in any way hurting your other children. Just give Alexander as many extra hugs as possible and eventually Hannah will want to imitate the affection you're showing him and the affection he's showing you.
Tell him to say, "Potsy-peetz". It means "high-five" and everyone understands it. Sofija now says, "Bye-five".
Praying for all of you!
Be Blessed!
Kaci