The Countdown's On

4...3...2...1

Well, we're not quite there yet, but with our departure date looming ever closer, every second of preparation time seems more precious and the questions regarding our new life - and Hannah's new life, seem more poignant.

Are we prepared for this reality? Do we have everything she needs? What is she like? Will she like me? What does she like? Should I bring books, stuffed animals, toys? What kind of toys? I'm used to cars, cars, and more cars. Oh, and planes, trains and any kind of combat weapon. Should I bring a doll? What kind of doll? Where do I find a doll? Is her room ready? Will she like it? What does she like to eat? Will she be scared? How should I comfort her when she cries? Will she feel safe? Will she feel loved?

I remember having these same insecurities before Alexander was born. In fact, during church on the Sunday before he was scheduled to be born (he was C-section), I almost had a nervous breakdown because I couldn't stand not having the answers to these scary, unanswerable questions. Little did I know at that time that he had been born 3 hours earlier. I think my overwhelming emotions were due to the fact that my son had entered the world and I had become a mother.

Hannah is 2 years old. I had no knowledge of her on the day of her birth, nor in the next 19 months of her life. Six months ago I learned that she was alive. Six months ago we started a journey to do whatever we needed to do to bring her home. Six months ago we learned that we would need to travel half way across the world in order to bring her home. For the past 6 months, I have looked at pictures and small video snip-its of this beautiful, dark-haired, dark-eyed little girl, waiting to be her mother.

Now in less than 2 weeks, my daughter will physically enter my world. She has always been with me. In the many years of trying to have children, and even before we adopted Alexander, I knew I had a daughter. I have had that confirmed to me many times in many ways. It has been a struggle to find her. We have prayed to be led to her. We have prayed to have her led to us. So many times I have tired of the wait, the struggle, the faith required for this blessing, and I have tried to give up. I have tried to shoo away the spirit telling me to hold on and be patient - to wait for her to come into our family when Heavenly Father knows it will be right. I am grateful for children who say, "Wait for me! I'm coming!" and I'm grateful for parents who say, "We're waiting and we will wait until you get here!". I am grateful I didn't give up.

After so many years of waiting, the time is now at our doorstep. Am I prepared to be her mother? There is no real way of answering that question. All I have to go on is my knowledge that Heavenly Father knows me, He knows my husband, He knows my son, He knows my daughter, and He has brought us all together as a family. In knowing that, I have great assurance that He, as my Father, will help me in my role as Mother.

God has put so many people in our path to help us find Hannah. In hindsight it's so easy to connect the dots. I'm grateful that the Lord promises blessings after the trial of our faith. Because of faith and trials, I am a different person than I was 14 years ago when I got married and became a wife. I am a different person than I was 7 years ago when I became Alexander's mother, and I am a different person than I was 6 months ago when I learned I would become Hannah's mother.

I am different. I am ready.

God help me.